Hi, LizAnon, and welcome to SR. First of all, let me applaud you for knowing that this man was not going to be the partner you wanted and ending the relationship. Then let me offer further kudos to you for realizing that your feelings were mixed and you were confused and then seeking out help and clarification to base future actions on. Good work!
I think if you read around the forum as much as you can, making sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page, you'll find a lot of insight and clarification about your situation. Once I saw that my situation was not unique, that my then-husband and I were only doing the same dance of alcoholism and codependence as so many others had done, it changed everything. It still took me a long time to come to terms w/the reality of the situation and end the marriage, but that was where it all started. You may find a similar realization, and may also be set free by it.
My X, on the night I decided we needed to convert the separation to a divorce, said he'd "give it all up if he could have just ONE MOMENT, ONE LITTLE BIT of compassion" from me. Apparently the preceding 19 years were not enough....and as you astutely observed, your XBF's accusation about needing compassion from you was equally untrue.
I hope you find both education and inspiration here, LizAnon, and I wish you happiness and peace going forward.