Sadness - I'm glad you came here to talk about what's going on.
I'm sorry for the pain your parents have caused you. I'm sure at times I did the same to my son while I was drinking. I loved him so much, but was oblivious to my erratic & reckless behavior. Until I got sober, I just didn't realize the damage I'd caused - & how confrontational I could be.
We care about you, sadness. I hope you'll keep posting.