sadness95

Ok. So basically I’m only still living with my mum because I am a student On a course which requires 50% full time work. I have two years left and the money I receive monthly does not cover a flat plus petrol and food etc. My mum is alcohol dependent yet apparently her doctor says she isn’t. I don’t even believe a word she says anymore though but I’m sure if someone feels the need to be drunk all weekend without a break (drinking in the morning as well) and drinking every night of the week (she only stops when I fall out with her but goes back as normal after a while). I’m just at a loss. I have no one. My dad died a few years back and he was bad with alcohol also, would have to pick his head off the computer desk etc cause he would just pass out frequently. I also don’t have any siblings and because my mum is high functioning everyone just thinks she’s amazing. She thinks she’s amazing too, or at least tries to make folk think that, then goes to all self pity when I challenge her.
Her behaviour has even become abusive. For instance, she knew I was home and walking back and forward to the toilet etc which means I have to walk past the living room, yet still decided to do stuff with her boyfriend in the middle of the living room floor then came through to tell me her boyfriend was here AFTER I walked in on her.
I keep trying to distance myself from her and I know I’m old enough to move out but I genuinely can’t afford it. In two years time once I qualify I will but I’m absolutely broken by they way she’s behaved and how I have no one. The rest of my family just think I’m spoilt when I’m angry with her, despite my auntie having backed me up at one point.
I literally resent her. If she’s not alcohol dependent like her doctor says, then that makes it worse because she simply just doesn’t care about me at all then.
She also insists on me depending on her financially and around the house. I made a point of doing my own washing, dishes, clothes etc, and said I would pay £200 a month into her account just for bills as the mortgage has already been paid off. Ultimately she refuses, takes me washing and does them anyway. Then throws it all in my face when we have an argument which results in me becoming furious and just uncontrollably crying etc. Then when I bring up that I want to be independent she gives me all the “it’s just a mother wanting to help her daughter” and then I feel guilty.
Since a teenager I’ve lived with mental health issues - severe depression with traits of bpd. I now know where I’ve gotten it from as my mum appears to be narcissistic in her nature, always has, yet hides it from others (unless she’s drunk then it comes out). I never had emotional closeness which I’ve come to realise recently. Psychologists have always asked me what happened to me in my childhood and now it’s all becoming clear that neither my mum or dad were emotionally available when I grew up.
I’m in so much pain with all this it’s unreal. I suppose I’m only posting this to hopefully get a response which might help me feel less alone.
Thanks.