Hi Soberfitness. I can completely relate. There is no telling what I would or wouldn't do during a blackout. I think the more sober time we gain, the more secure we feel in our sobriety. I am new in recovery, and I have the same fears. In fact, just yesterday I found an extra $10 in a pocket of pants, and what was my first instinct? Ah, a "free" $10?! I could spend this on alcohol guilt-free!
Then I had to remind myself, NO; it is neither financially free nor guilt-free by any means. Sometimes I fixate too much on whether or not the next time something like that happens I'll just say F* it and go out and buy a bottle. Well, maybe I will, maybe I won't; but what I
do know is that
today, I will not drink. I try to keep it simple like that. I can't worry too much about what will happen next week or the week after in terms of drinking, or I'll worry myself sick.
As far as your number 2 point... I know you're just trying to reassure yourself and get rid of the doomsday feeling, but honestly I think having a healthy fear of the consequences of alcohol is a good thing (at least for me). Alcoholism is a progressive disease, as I'm sure you've heard. Sure, nothing catastrophic happened to you in the past 10 years of alcoholism, but please be aware that if you drink, things can always get worse. Ten years ago, I would never have imagined some of the things that have happened to me would ever be part of my life. This isn't exactly a scare tactic, but a reality check.
Remember: you are in control of taking that first drink. What happens after that is likely to spiral out of control. If you manage, one day at a time, to NOT pick up the first drink, you'll be fine. I have faith that in time, I'll feel more secure in my sobriety as well. Glad to hear you're sober
