Littleshiki, I know just how you feel. I'm not sure what "type" of drinker you are, but it sounds like you might be a binge drinker like me. Whenever I picked up, whether it was beer or liquor or wine or whatever, 9 times out of 10 it meant the next three or so days would be a total wash. I'd remember things the way you remember a dream; in a kind of hazy fog, not sure what's real and what's not. I'd wake up with bruises and bangs and have no idea where they came from. I too would go places and do things with people with whom I would never normally associate. Then, the next day, I'd drink more to make myself feel better about the stupidity that I allowed to happen. This is a terrible way to live; it's time to break the chain once and for all.
It's great that you've decided enough is enough. Do not give alcohol the power with that first drink, or its grip will tighten around your throat until the only way out seems to be more drinking. I would strongly suggest getting involved in a sober community TODAY. I was very hesitant to try AA, but it truly is just a group of people who meet with one common goal: staying sober. There are no commitments, no obligations; you just have to have the desire to stop drinking. That's it.
Remember that you are not alone in this struggle. Most, if not all of us who were really deep in alcoholism, have been precisely where you are: feeling physically and mentally depleted. Remember - we are powerless against alcohol, but we are not hopeless. As long as I don't give alcohol the power of the first drink, I can manage; you can too
