Hi littleshiki - I'm so glad you joined us. We all understand what you're going through, believe me.
I was doing out-of-character & reckless things too at the end of my drinking days. I was putting myself in danger & not paying attention to the important things in life. I felt the same way you do - I felt I would die if I didn't get free of alcohol addiction. I drank for decades - but I stopped & reclaimed my life. Being here really helps us get through it. Good to have you with us - you can do this.