Littleshiki, we are 'a bunch of anonymous strangers' here, but we are also a family. And, we do understand.
I used to blackout towards the end of my drinking days and it's a horrible experience. It's awful to know that you will never know for sure what happened.
I'm glad you're ready to stop drinking and to be the best person you can be. It's always a good idea to talk to a dr if you're concerned about detoxing because it can be dangerous. It's also a good idea to have a plan worked out about how you will stop drinking and stay sober.