Day 73
Holy crap. 73 days!!!
I was looking back on my earlier posts, there was so much hopelessness, so much bitterness. My world was so dark and I saw no hope for the future of sobriety.
Here I am, 73 days clean. Wow. I used to drink 4-5 days a week.
I'm working the steps. I have a sponsor. I have a few people in AA I like to talk to.
I have things to look forward to (working my steps, telling my story, YPAA conferences, meeting new people, sponsoring others.) I never thought there would be so much to look forward to in AA!
I still have the alcohol dreams, frequently, but now they are very fear-based, fearing that I've relapsed and messed it all up. I wake up in a state of panic. I went to Maine for a week where I actually really didn't crave a drink at all!
I've been to restaurants that serve alcohol, I've even been to bars. I don't particularly like going to bars, but I've gotten through the experience without drinking.
I still have a long way to go. I have a lot of steps to work. I haven't totally "found my place" in AA yet, and socializing while sober is still uncomfortable. I still don't like to see people drink in front of me. I have a lot of service work to do.
But wow. Wow wow wow. I've gone 2.5 months without drinking, after almost 8 years of being unhappy with drinking. If that's not a miracle, I don't know what is.