My dad died a month ago, tomorrow. He was in the hospital for over a month and then we turned off ďthe machines ď. We were all there with him as he passed and I was lucky enough to say what I needed to, though he was passed hearing. I cried then, and off and on for a few days after. I had to push the tears away and be strong for my mom and my little kids. But I pushed it too far because I havenít cried and have felt numb since those first few days.
I tried drinking 10 days after and again this past weekend, partly out of weakness, but partly out of wanting to break the numbness. It didnít work. It feels like Iím not honoring my dad by not crying. Like I donít care, which I do! I do so much!