Update : Beast/AV is being quieter, some suggestive thoughts of 'hey what about when you're at a festival' 'hey what about if you go down south to (old town)' type of thing.
I think it knows just telling me to 'score now' isn't going to work so it's gone for a different approach. I'm also hearing 'well you're finding this giving up lark easier than you thought so maybe you weren't addicted after all' but I'm not stupid enough to fall for that one.
I think I've got the hang of this a little, as I keep saying to the AV 'the answers no, it's always no, whatever the question is it's always no so don't bother asking' and then thinking of something else, or singing my little ditty .... rather than engaging in the debate which I can see now is how it gets its foot in the door. Because then you're thinking about why not to do it which is not very far away from thinking about doing it.
Been feeling surprisingly ok this week, still feel (my beast feels) a bit of a sense of loss at no more party me, but I made this decision to quit this stuff for the benefits of the straight life and I'm sticking with that. I think I'll be just fine. I want to get out there and do loads of stuff - films, shows, walks whatever, with a straight head. Do stuff rather than take stuff. That's where it's at.
I am interested in doing the shifting exercises in the book but feel scared of rousing the beast too much, I know this is probably irrational but just feels like if I tease/taunt him eg with a line of sugar looking like cocaine or something, he may break out of his cage and get the upper hand..... Do you think it's ok to do the shifting exercises now or wait til I get some more recovery time?
Also beginning to think of my addiction as being in my past rather in my present. Part of me doesn't want to get complacent as my recovery still feels tenacious- I know you'll say this is the Beast but until I get a bit more time behind me I feel like I can't feel like 'hey that's it I'm cured' ... but I'm getting there.