I was just like you for many years, many mornings of "I am done, until 5 o'**** would roll around".
I had a breaking point, I could no longer continue the vicious cycle, the insanity.
I woke up after a terrible night out, full of shame and embarrassment and I knew I didn't ever want to feel like that again, so I stopped and started to recover.
Coming here was very important for my first 3 weeks, I was here all the time reading and posting as much as I could but mostly reading. Then AA, then an app.
You have to want to be sober more than you want a drink and you have to tell that AV to kick rocks.
Blessings,
DC