Hey Weekenders, hope you are all keeping up the good fight!
Well, suprisingly...I am still at rehab! Last week was a really tough week, Wednesday was the worst and best day I have ever had. I finally surrendered! I have been hearing all this talk for the month I have been here about this and that unless you truly surrender and hold your hands out for support, take that support and accept your ways do not work you are not giving yourself a chance at real recovery. I believed I had...but I hadn't at all, denial at it's best!.
Wednesday I had a chat with someone (the guy that put his foot in the door that I complained about on an earlier post) and it was the most important conversation I had had, I learned compassion, humility and that sometimes the beauty, support and understanding can come from the strangest of places. This trickled into the rest of the day where I had family feedback, your family have to send in a questionaire about how your addiction affects them, what kind of person they think you are etc. Tough stuff! It broke me, I finally cried for 5 hours, everything was so clear to me and each realisation was like a firework in my head. What I was doing by leaving rehab, was the same old behaviour I have repeated all my life...it didn't work before and unless I do something different I am just going to get the same as I always have.
Surrender feels terrifying, but freeing and hopeful at the same time.
Take care everyone and be good!! xxx