Hey Mummy - I have been there 100 times. I get some time under my belt, think just one more time and a bender or two later I am sick as a dog, hate myself, yada, yada, yada! I actually quit posting all of my day 1’s because I was ashamed, humiliated, sick of myself and didn’t want everyone else to be as disgusted with myself as I was!!
Get back up, if you want to post, post! If you don’t @ least come here and read. That helps to keep me grounded somewhat. I understand how you feel! I have read up on EVERY form of recovery there is! Think ah ha! THIS one will stick. It may for a week or a month or whatever and back to day 1 again.
If this $h&* were easy we’d all be sober!! Everyone is telling you to dump it! I won’t say that, because I probably wouldn’t do that myself. What I WOULD do is NOT buy more, go to bed and make tomorrow your day one. Prob not the best advice, but when you’re in the thick of things (at least for me) dumping is almost impossible. Hope you feel better tomorrow with a renewed perspective!