I knew a few kids that were cutters. I'll never forget them. They were dealing with so much pain that I couldn't understand. They needed a distraction and relief from their pain. It was horrible to watch since I could do little for them. I worked with one fourth-grader. He cut himself up so bad that his arms from his hands to his elbow were covered in bandages. We would put anything sharp away from him but that didn't stop him. He found a way to use his fingernails to cut through the bandages to continue cutting himself. Sometimes, we would hold his hands down just to keep him from doing any more damage to himself. Worked with a high school kid that would cut herself including burns from lighters. She would wear long sleeve shirts and pants to hide the scars. She had great parents that understood what she was going through and had her get great therapy. Both really great kids. The fourth grader is probably gone by now. He seemed so determined to end his pain.
Really hope you find a way out of what you are going through and find healthy ways to deal with your problems. Nobody deserves to go through that. Take care. John