Hi Rayna, I may not have as many sober days under my belt as these previous posters but I will chime in about 'testing' or trying to control the drink.
It DOESN'T work.
Once the switch has flipped in your brain to addicted mode then you are not in control. I arrogantly thought because I had gone two weeks without a drink I was in control so I had a few drinks. Within less than a week I was back to drinking stupid amounts of booze.
Went almost a month back in January but it was agony the whole time. I was doing it for someone else but not for me and still massively in denial. Again, when I believed I could control it I was back to where I started, only worse.
Finally a week ago I surrendered and accepted I have a problem with alcohol and I will never be in control again. The alarm bells were ringing years and years ago but I ignored them. Maybe if I had listened then I could have learned to have a healthy relationship with alcohol. Now the ship has sailed and I have accepted that.
Bottom line; learn from my mistakes and do not test the bottle. The bottle will win every time and the punishments will get more and more severe.
Work with them and they will help, but you need to be willing and honest
