I'm leaving my Boyfriend
Hi everyone! I wanted to tell you all that I decided to end my 3 year relationship with my bf. Lots of red flags but the culmination of things was last Thursday when I lied to him. I realized I lied because I don't feel emotionally safe with him. Anyway, I had told him I was shopping when, in reality, I decided to stop at a restaurant and get a bowl of soup and do some journaling. I had been having a tough week with him and I needed to step back and do some introspective thinking.
So, basically I found out that he was tracking me. He confronted me, accused me of cheating, and told me he only tracked me because he wanted to time my arrival at home since he needed me home to take him to pick up his car from the shop. I had no idea that our sharing of the apple family plan meant he could 'find my iPhone'. No clue! And, I don't know how long he's been able to do so.
But, his accusations of cheating was way overboard. He said he was 100% convinced I was cheating. He said I was acting weird all week and he DEMANDED I give him my phone to read. I tried to explain myself, how our interaction earlier in the week gave me pause and he accused me of always blaming him for my actions. Umm, yeah, not even close.
Then, when I told him to call the restaurant, offered to give him my phone, and he refused to even consider my 'evidence of innocence' I knew things were on serious shaky ground.
He had me hung and never allowed me to have a trial! It was scary and I realized that I was done. And, i had peace about it. I opened up about 3 conversations all weekend long with him and was completely calm. I never even brought up his behavior and his 'tracking' of my phone, etc. I knew it would get me nowhere and he'd make an excuse. He didn't trust me and I knew I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't trust me. Once trust is lost, it's so difficult to get back and with him.....it would have been near impossible. I want compassion, a chance at forgiveness, and maybe grace extended to me. I was never going to get that with him. I could tell. By Sunday night, he still stuck by what he said and said he didn't believe me and that he still felt something was going on.
We were supposed to be going on an Alaskan cruise this Friday. I paid for my ticket and my airfare already. I told him, "I'm not going on the cruise and I think it's time our relationship come to an end. I'm sorry it has to come to this." He was shocked. He still thinks I'm crazy to give up a paid for vacation. I figured that if I went, I'd be thinking about throwing him overboard the whole time. I mean, why would I want to stay in a cabin with him and his 2 kids for a week when I won't get reconciliation, caring, affection, or loving words? Ridiculous!
So, I was stressed about finding a new place to live. Rents have gone up around here. I found a great place, I got the OK today that my credit is good, income is fine, etc. Whew....thank goodness.
My biggest problem now is just dealing with the fallout. My son is stressed and I can tell he's not happy about it. But, he's 19 and I'm just at the point where I can't fix all his problems for him. He works part time and makes some money for himself and he'll be going to school when it starts in August. I just can't keep making everyone happy anymore. It's exhausting.
So, while I worry about him, I have to turn him over to God because I have my own struggles and emotional rollercoaster to ride right now.
My bf's girls will definitely be hurt. I will miss them terribly. I hate that the kids have to be collateral damage when relationships fall apart. But, I'm really grateful that I found a cute condo to rent, it's 10 minutes closer to my office, and I love my new job!
My manager just did a review of my skill set and she gave me the green light to start working overtime so that I can make some extra money. Just working 20 hours of overtime a month brings in an extra $700 a month for me and that will really help my bottom line.
Anyway, I'm going to use my vacation time (that was meant for the cruise) next week as my opportunity to move. Please pray that the move goes well, that my son finds peace, and that my bf finds his own serenity despite the overreactive mind and insecurities that he has as well. We all deserve a shot at kindness, love, peace, serenity, and grace. I hope that we all find it in our journeys.
Hugs to you all. Looking forward to reading a bit and seeing what's happening on the boards!