For me, it is all those "little things." I feel like I'm not progressing in my life, and I'm not as happy as I should be. I think I'm realizing that with alcohol in the picture, I'm never going to be able to get to the place where I can make serious decisions about what I want to do to maximize my time on the planet. I'm also in academia, and find a lot of it soul-destroying. I need to get myself to a place where I'm no longer using alcohol EVER so that I can make a clear decision about what to do next,