Hi All, if I had access to anything alcoholic I fear I would be on a bender right now. The urge is so strong and I have gone down a rabbit hole of darkness. I am overwhelmed, withdrawing into my shell, feel very anxious and just want to hide away and drink. My stupid head is trying to work out how I can get some vodka without being found out, what the hell is going on with me?
Had another incident with a staff member as I was told I could get some of my money to pay for the organised trip to the spa. Then when I asked for the money another member of staff was rude, said no and slagged off the staff that told me it was ok meaning I was not allowed to go to the spa as I had no money. I walked off as I realised this guy was not going to be reasonable. 10 mins later the nice staff person came to my room and said the other one had got the rules wrong and should have let me have my money. So I started re-packing my bag to go to the spa. Then another knock on the door and it was the not so nice man, I opened and was pleasant and the first thing he said was “now before you start throwing a big tantrum and spitting your dummy out like a baby” to which I said if that is how you are going to open he conversation I am afraid this convo is over and asked him to leave. He refused to leave, I tri d to close my door and he stepped forward and put his foot in the door and carried on. He is a huge bloke, ex military and it was a bit scary. Eventually I got the door shut and locked but instead of respecting my boundaries he then moved across and started shouting through the window. He’s got PTSD so I am expected to understand that he didn’t mean to do it, but I am now being treated like I am kicking off and throwing tantrums all the time when I am only standing up for myself.
Sorry to keep posting miserable stuff, but I am miserable and just want a drink even though I know it won’t help and it makes no sense.
Xx