I hope your wife is OK, Horn.
FWIW, I have learned that, when I'm angry or upset, projecting scenarios ahead of time never works out well. Particularly with loved ones, as one cannot predict their responses or motivations. And where you don't have complete information, it can result in applying the wrong (premeditated) response to a situation. Instead, I usually think through the principles of why I'm upset, what is triggering me, and how I might be able to convey that if I think that'll help. And I adapt when I know what the true situation is.
I also have learned that starting with compassion when it comes to relationships is the most powerful way to elevate a relationship. It helps heal those relationships that are suffering and takes already good relationships to amazing places.