Originally Posted by
goodbyeevan 
Dry July is almost here and is a perfect "excuse" for telling family and friends you aren't drinking. I had awful anxiety when I was drinking daily. It was torture. The only cure is to push through the early days and I PROMISE it will get better. I still have some anxiety I have to manage but it is so much easier these days after 3 months sober. I joined AA to make sober connections. I have no family nearby and no friends that abstain from alcohol. There are other sober groups out there too. Best of luck on your sober journey.
I like your idea, but it scares me because I'm not sure I can commit. I have given up so many times on so many things when I don't do what I say I'm going to I feel like it just tears me down even more. I know that sounds weird. But, I'm thinking about it.
Also, I almost went to an AA meeting last night but then wound up staying home. The idea of having some kind of social outlet is appealing if I can get over the inertia. But, there's still a part of me that doesn't want to believe I'm a full-on alcoholic. That maybe I just have a problem with alcohol and that if I don't check it now it will become worse.
I realize it's probably denial but wondering if at some point I may be able to handle alcohol in small doses. I feel like I've done this in the past.
When I was a bodybuilder, I hardly ever drank because I was always really strict about my diet. And the times when I was offseason, I was fine just having one or two here and there.
Somehow I think all the crap I've been through in the past few years with divorce and financial struggle has exacerbated my anxiety and alcohol inadvertently became my way of dealing with it. I don't think I even realized it.
Also, I think at some point drinking became a kind of "fk it, I don't care if I kill myself, I deserve it." I'm working on these feelings of bitterness and shame though and feel like maybe once I do, I could moderate. IDK.