I can "hear" your anguish mistory. It sounds like you really, really want to quit but feel that this evil thing we call booze is stronger. It isn't, you can beat it. All you have to do is not drink for one 24 hour day at a time.
I agree about going to ER or similar as it will serve a double purpose, to detox safely and also it gives you a bit of a head start. s
So much of the condition of alcoholism and how we deal with it is in our heads and getting our mindset in the right place so keep reading and posting, i'm sure you will find something that "clicks"
Good luck mistory.