Hi Horn, I'm single with no kids, so I can't possibly imagine what you're going through at the moment.
But I do just want to urge caution, and whatever patience you can muster. You've already stated you'd be drinking if it wasn't 4am. Me reading your posts as a third party here...it feels like your AV is arming you with excuses to reach for the bottle. Don't do it. It will only make things worse.
I hope she reaches out soon.