Thanks for this post. There were a lot of good times with people, until the end when I would rather drink alone because it was literally too much of a hassle to make friends who would stand in the way of the quickest route to what I wanted- obliteration. Alcohol became like an extremely possessive and sadistic lover.
As my 20s come to an end my definitions of fun, joy, meaning, substance, etc. are all having to change. As for romance... I'm finding that real intimacy requires vulnerability, something I was not capable of while my mind, body and soul were already committed to drinking. It's been a rocky road and I don't know what the outcome will be, but the romantic relationship I destroyed while drinking has healed in ways I didn't even think possible.