I consider some of the comments to be a bit harsh considering you came hear looking for support. My ex-husband ended up with my kids mainly because of my mental illness. He paid $100000 to get them. After that I drank myself stupid and he moved them to a secret location. It's the worst thing for a mother to deal with. I will never fully recover. For the sake of your kids do this for them even if you can't do it for yourself. Your husband's reaction is just a side issue. I know someone who has a grandchild she has never seen. It can be hard to make a meeting with children but look into their eyes and ask yourself do you want to lose them.