crux

I havent posted on this forum in years.Ive been mostly away from recovery rooms/people for quite a while but Ive been isolative and lonely enough ,being stuck in LA on these liquid/chemical handcuffs,that Ive started to attend all sorts of 12 step meetings at this recovery clubhouse in downtown LA and its influence(I suppose) has helped me to want to quit smoking weed (main thing Ive been holding onto) . Ive been going back and forth decreasing my methadone dose and then going back up and now Im thinking of just switching over to (weaker) subutex(exchange clinic program - easy to get them) and doing NA hardcore.I figure Im psuedo-clean enough to be considered "doing the deal"(for my own peace of mind) if Im simply taking subutex for methadone withdrawal wich I figure(and hope like hell) will keep me from having extreme nausea and other extreme symptoms while not enjoying the euphoric/sedative effects that would constitute me getting high or whatever...Does this make sense...And then I figure once the methadone is out of my system I can simply check into detox for subutex wich should be a piece of cake compared to my experiences of involuntarily coming off methadone(cold turkey,in jail 2 X) or the several times Ive kicked heroin.Does anyone get what Im saying in this confusing paragraph?Will anyone be my online sponsor,maybe til I get a real one(I go to meetings daily).?