Hello, 2muchpain.
I have a sister 1 year, 3 months older. She ran away and got married, didn't finish high school. I finished school and went on to college. She stayed at home, cooked, cleaned, raised two children and has never had a job in her life. She didn't need a job because her husband had a good income. He died at 42, left her in a huge house, and she was unable to keep up the maintenance on it. She had always had some emotional problems, not diagnosed, but to the degree that she didn't interact with others appropriately. She was always fighting with anyone who'd try to help her, and like your sister, stubborn, independent, and then could be so needy on the other hand, although she did not know how to ask for what she needed. I got involved in her life after her husband died and kind of took up where he left off. I thought I knew what was best for her, so my husband and I moved her to five different places in two years. At each of those places she started hearing things, seeing things, telling the most outlandish things, and none of them were true. I worried about her night and day, so I know what you're saying. It is awful to feel so helpless. Ended up, we moved to another state. She bought a camper and lives in a camp site with people all around her who watches out for her. She wanted me to stop imposing my wishes and wants on her, come to find out. Instead of taking our gestures as helping her out, her perception was that we were interfering in her life. That is one of the most difficult situations I have been through in sobriety. I haven't seen her in four years. When I go back to where we once lived, I've tried three times to see her and she tells me that talking to me on the phone once a month or so is good for her. I know exactly what you're saying and feeling. I've pretty much lost of my fear of being there for her if she gets in danger. That's what I was feeling, fear for her safety. She has a lot of friends and my sister-in-law who would call me if she was unsafe. I don't think you're being dramatic at all. I take it one day at a time, just like I do my sobriety. And over the years I have felt guilty that she ended up with such severe emotional problems. I don't right now. That kind of comes and goes.