Sorry to hear of your loss Luna
I hope that you, too - alongside Sweeti, have support around you at this awful time. Whether a person is good for us or bad for us it doesn't alter the fact that they were part of our lives - in some cases for a long time. It may be that they were an utterly toxic person to have around us but we can't change our past, only the future. If a person meant a huge deal to you then, IMO, it's healthy and important to grieve and let them go to move forwards, whether that is the loss of a significant relationship or an actual death of someone close to you. The future is ours for the taking and I hope that you find the strength to throw aside the alcohol as it won't help you to move forward in any shape or form. Life is short and I hope that you both can find peace in sobriety, ideally today. Thinking of you both x