MindfulMan

I'm noticing it more and more here in La La Land. Also sobriety has a certain trendiness to it now. Because celebrities, etc.

If I'm at a good restaurant and their only non-alcoholic beverage choices are soda or lemonade, I generally won't return. I really don't want a coke with my truffle pasta. If they can't even manage to have a good brewed ice tea. Fortunately I'm off keto at the moment, which made it REALLY tough, as I couldn't have sugar either.

One of my go-to's is ginger beer, which I'm also noticing is more and more common. One place I went to even made their own. Sometimes I'll have them mix it with club soda and a splash of fruit juice. If I'm sitting at the bar, the "mixologist" is usually game to come up with a mocktail for me.

I am a certified sommelier, and am really good at identifying and pairing wine with food. This is a frustration that I have with eating out sometimes, I know how enhanced certain dishes would be with a wine or beer that they have on the menu.

My drinking was generally bifurcated. I'd sip wine and beer out with friends, then come home and pound vodka shots. Sometimes I tell myself that I could just do the wine part. Or taste wine and spit it out. But that is mostly just AV. I love my sober life so much that it's simply not worth the risk, even if I COULD separate the enjoyment of wine from the alcoholic isolated drinking. Which is NOTHING I would ever want to test, because the data indicates that glass of wine would lead to daily drinking and then blotto oblivion sooner or later.

Also, more tellingly, I DON'T miss the feeling of alcohol inebriation. At all. If I visualize the feeling of being tipsy, it's dysphoric, not euphoric. A bit sleepy, sluggish, and removed from the moment. No thanks!

These realizations didn't come on Day 1 of sobriety. I think the most important thing mentioned in many of these posts is sobriety time. I feel very differently now about not having wine with dinner than I did a year ago, when I was brand spanking new to sobriety. I've had a year of enjoying the presence, mental clarity, physical well-being, and peace of mind that I have in sobriety that was missing when I drank or drugged, even during periods of near or complete abstinence.

My social life is pretty much what it was when I drank. I see nearly all of the same people and do nearly all of the same things. I've even gone wine-smelling twice, I end up being the designated driver and it's good to see some of the people at the vineyards that I'd gotten to know over the years...the business of wine still fascinates me. The only thing I'd turn down is something where getting obliterated is part of the point of the occasion...like bachelor parties in Vegas. The point there is to get as wasted as possible with the groom, take him to strip clubs, and hit the slots or cards. I'm gay, don't gamble, and don't drink, so there's kinda no point to any of that! Time has also allowed observation, the most telling is that most other people don't focus obsessively on drinking at social events. Normies can take it or leave it. I've become a normie that just always leaves it.

Everybody's journey is different, there are some that simply cannot be around alcohol and drinking at all, ever. I respect that. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do, and to an addict, NOT using has to be the primary focus of happiness and well being, however you do it. For myself, it's a pretty easy decision to attend functions and not drink. I've made the decision that I am no longer a drinker under any circumstances, and when I look at what drinking feels like, I don't feel deprived not doing it, other than in very rare occasions like bachelor parties (also drunk people, REALLY drunk people, are extremely annoying to me if I'm not drinking myself...almost as bad as a bunch of people doing coke!). Those are occasions that would ONLY be fun if I'm drinking, and those are pretty easy to say no to, and are really rare.

LG, I think you'll get to the point where it just won't matter to you. Interestingly enough I found eventually that not having alcohol to fall back on if I felt nervous at a social function actually helped with any social anxiety that I might have had. Sober dating is the new challenge for me!

Time made it pretty easy for me, and will do so for you.