Death is scary. And I think maybe it makes us think of our own mortality....what that means? What am I doing with my life? It just causes a lot of existential crisis. My parents are at the end of the line. I have been taking care of them for a couple weeks at a time. It is really sad. Difficult. Especially seeing my mother so powerless. She was always the 'strong' one. But if I can help them leave this world with dignity that is a gift. I try to focus on that.
If I've read all your posts correctly I believe this person had a very negative effect on your life? If I have that wrong I'm sorry.
Is this possibly a final close on a chapter in your life that kept you in the past?
Maybe there are some messages for your in his death?
Maybe its time to start living SC. Let go of the past and move forward.
I hope you are doing better physically.