Advice Please
Hi I'm here for advice and support, as well as to offer support to the best of my ability. I have a deep passion for anyone struggling with addiction and recovery. Firstly, I need some advice on my current situation. Since I am new here, please inform me if I am in the wrong place for my specific problem or anything else I need to know about posting (I did read the regs).
I have an addictive personality and easily become addicted to narcotics. I have never over-dosed or been in the ER for drug use issues. I have been in inpatient treatment at least 4 or 5 times for opioid addiction. I am currently opioid-free.
Now for my current problem. For the past 2 months, I have been taking Alprazolam. On average, I took 2mg daily. Occasionally I took 3mg, but never more. For the last week, I did a quick taper and took my last dose of 25mg this morning.
I've spent hours reading about xanax and the picture isn't pretty. At all. I can deal with anxiety and insomnia, as I've had a lot of therapy, CBT, and DBT. My biggest concern is what I've read about seizures from xanax withdrawal.
This is the second time I've abused xanax. The first time was a few months ago and I had abused it for 3 months, again never exceeding 3mg per 24 hour period. I told my psychiatrist and he tapered me over a 2 week period with klonopin. About 4 to 6 weeks later, I began taking xanax again. Stupid, I know. I never wanted to touch it ever again, but being the addict that I am, I thought I could control my usage. I didn't even realize what I was doing to myself, that several weeks had passed and I was still using it. I had a bottle of 100 1mg tabs prescribed for my dog and saw fit to help myself to them. I'm ashamed of myself and don't want to tell my psych because he has been a great doctor and I have high regard for him. I will also have to find alternative medication for my dog.
So I'm trying to detox myself at home and not tell my psych about it so he won't lose respect for me. I could not handle that.
I guess my question is, does anyone know if my short taper is good enough, in general, to avoid seizures? I have never had a seizure and don't seem prone to them. I am 59 years old. Yeah I know, I should grow up already and stop causing harm to myself. I self-medicate due to ptsd from childhood trauma, as well as from being in the military, and other things.
I'm not asking anyone to judge whether or not I will have a seizure. That would be unrealistic. Rather, has anyone had similar experiences to mine, and gone pretty much CT? What did you experience? What were your symptoms and how long did they last? Did you have seizures? What helped you manage your symptoms? I have a good stock of supplements, such as Valerian root, CBD oil, GABA, to name a few. I also have phenibut, and after hours of reading about it, don't have a desire to take it.
I've read a lot on the benzo boards, and perhaps that's where I should be. But from what I can tell, the members have used way more than I did and for way longer time. Their stories are so scary that I become panicked and discouraged.
Any help, suggestions, advice is very welcome. Just please don't judge me or tell me how stupid I am. I already know.
Thank you for reading this. I look forward to replies.