Mera,
It took courage for you to post about your relapse and it takes courage to try again. Don't we all try again each and every day, if not with alcohol, at least with a nagging, lingering character defect.
I echo the comments about using this 'bottom' to spur you on to an even stronger, more dedicated sobriety than you had before. Read the Doctor's Opinion. An allergy of the body coupled with an obsession of the mind. The 12 Steps treat the three-fold disease you and I have: physically, mentally/emotionally and spiritually.
"I" get drunk; "we" stay sober. Please accept the support and love offered here at SR. I can't do this by myself and I don'think you can either but together we can stay sober.
Hang in there, Mera, even if you don't believe it right now--I know You are worth it.
p.s. I got fired once for making a costly $$ mistake to the company which also embarrassed the President and his VP. Of course my error it was unintentional, but they had to make the right financial decision for their company. I got axed. But you know what? My very next job wasn't just a job, it turned into a career that I retire from next year. Within hours of being fired, I was with like-minded sober people telling them what happened. If I drunk like me could stay sober, you can too.