I feel like my anxiety is getting worse. I can’t eat anything. I live with my dad, moved in after him and my mum divorced and cos I was a mess with my drinking. He’s making me dinner and forcing me to eat. I haven’t eaten for four days. He knows I got blasted on Friday night, but doesn’t know I called in sick on Thursday (I was away with work). Anyway, another thread I’ve read on here is about half truths, I feel like that’s what I’m doing-keeping it from him like a big dirty secret. At least I’ve owned up on here, you guys know.
I haven’t felt this anxious for a good while. Why was I so stupid to throw away my sobriety like that?! It’s a stark reminder out there how life can unravel so quickly. I need to post about it so I have something on here explaining how I feel, then when I play the tape forward I can see what it does to me.
A couple months ago I began entertaining the idea that I could drink again and I wasn’t that bad. But once I take that drink I know now that it ends up here. Maybe not at first, but sure enough, it gets me EVERY TIME.
I’m in bed, just got into my pjs. Just want this to get better, wake up and feel ok again. I know it does get better but I’m scared I can’t ride out these first days. I feel very weak....hmmmm
Sorry for the essay guys.