Snufkin sweetheart I find you to be a very honest, lovely and dare I say charming young lady. You have qualities I would be proud to have in a friend. I don't say this to attempt to make you feel better it happens to be true and I'm not alone feeling this way about you.
The fact that you have mental health issues in no way makes to a lesser person or unlikable in any way.
It does however make it absolutely essential that you find a way to put the poison down for good. Until you do that it's not surprising you are in a whirlwind of overthinking and confusion. Is it AV? Is it OCD? Is it depression? Ugh exhausting!
I know it's frightening Snufkin. You have a long and difficult journey ahead of you. But you don't need to do it alone and we are here to support you. It does help Snufkin I can honestly tell you that from experience.
The thing is - how can you address your issues whilst ingesting a depressant poison into your system? It's got to go Snufkin by whatever means and no matter what.
Maybe it won't hurt in the short term to assume it is indeed all AV. I did that and whilst I still had problems it did get me to a place of consistent sobriety which then allowed me to address those problems when I was stronger.
Of course I am no doctor and if you need additional medical help and support you must seek it out. You must be brave it that respect Snufkin.
There is a life out there for you. With your talent and nature I have no doubt it could be a wonderful one.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤