As most of you are aware, ah has quit drinking and has been talking openly with me for awhile now. After having lived apart 1 1/2 years and learning to communicate better (though of course we still haven't gotten that down perfectly, lol), I thought I'd read the story in the original post (about the alcoholic being too drunk to let himself in the door) and I then asked him how he thought I'd react to that situation. He said I'd leave him out in the yard now. But clarified that I wouldn't have a few years ago. (And I agree! Progress for me!) Then...I read him the 3 descriptions of the enablers that is posted and asked him how he saw me. He said, that at first I was the martyr, then I became the rescuer, and that now he'd see more as the provoker. I said, "You see me as the provoker now?" and he said yes. Hmm.....I told him that in Nov. 2004, I had responded to this post and that at the time, I saw myself as the martyr. (We split up in March of 2004)
So anyways, I thought that was interesting. And I believe that ah is kind of correct about what he says about me now being the provoker. (Though not currently drinking and us still not living apart, I do bring up the past quite often, do have bouts of anger, etc) so I think I need to focus on that. Apparently I'm still reacting to something that is over with - and I need to realize that and let it lie in the past I guess.
Just thought this was quite thought-provoking so thought I'd share.