Buckley3

There are some nuances here I think.

Regardless of spiritual disposition I think the following applies? There are things about our lives it's appropriate and even necessary to exert some measure of control over - willpower, planning for the future, etc.. That said, in times I find myself discontented - anxiety, etc. - it's usually because I'm going too far and trying to push a river so to speak. Impatience has a lot to do with that. There are simply things about the world, universe, my life, etc. that I can not control.

Most important is that I've admitted that the way I interact with alcohol is bad bad bad and so I simply have to stop trying to "manage" it and just quit drinking period. I can say for me that once I made that decision - and let go of the "managing it" piece I felt a great sense of relief almost immediately... even if there is/ was a small mountain of crap stacked up that I had to face.

Knowing the difference is the trick... and I think it only comes from practice and doing. I'll never be perfect at it, but I'm getting better - and that's very much where self-compassion comes in. We have to give ourselves some slack from time to time.

Last - you said something like "I guess I'm going through an existential crisis phase." Damn right you are. And it's ok. You aren't alone for sure. Be excited about it! This is a decision and a time in your life that you get to embrace and define what and how you want to move forward!! It's entirely to be expected that you would experience some anxiety and even a bit of depressive responses to it. You aren't alone in that either. But I'm 99% - unqualified of course - but 99% positive it DOES get better over time. Staying sober opens the door.

It seems to me there are a lot of things in the world in our face constantly downplaying or discouraging us from recognizing the seriousness about drinking and the extent to which - especially in the early days/ week - we should go to make it the #1 priority and #1 defining moment in our lives. I wish - and think it would be helpful - that more people would give this thing it's due recognition and exert the energy it deserves.

But remember - this decision to be sober and to address some of the underlying issues is a GREAT decision. It's courageous, empowering, liberating. The roses smell damn fine on this side of it. Make sure you take time to pat yourself on the back - even, hell especially for the small things. It's the small things that provide the momentum and do the real work of defining our lives.

Whew... rant done. Keep trucking you got this. It can be hard at times. But heck, at least you are feeling things, living through things, instead of just being numb and watching the inevitable doom stack up.

-B