I know that if I never touch a drop of alcohol again that stuff like this can not happen again. It is in my hands, so to speak. But it's easier said than done, when everyone around me seems to be doing it and making out like it's a normal thing. Eventually, after time, my mind will start forgetting about the bad things that happened and telling me it will be ok to have a couple etc, which will then turn into binge drinking again.
I need a support group of people who are strongly opposed to drinking, or at least, just don't ever drink and do other, more worthwhile and wholesome things with their time. I need to be assosciating more with people like that, otherwise I will end up relapsing again. I could also become a hermit but I'vee tried that before and it doesn't work as I need human contact.
I gave up drinking before for a number of years so I know I can do it again if I just have the right support group and friends. I am thinking about reconnecting with some old friends from my church, but my wife is opposed to that as she thinks they will just exploit the situation to try to bring us back into the church (which she has some issues with).
This is why I am thinking about anti-buse or something similar. Some of my teenage memories were of my Dad suffering in hospital because of anti-buse though. My Mum always made him take it every morning and it stopped his drinking from being a daily thing but he still occasionally took his chances with it (maybe twice a year or something) and usually had to be taken away in an ambulance or driven to hospital by my Mum.
So I know I can't take this stuff lightly.
I just know I have had enough of the alcohol. I have hit rock bottom with it. I just want to be free as I know I am a much better human being without it.
I feel so frustrated that the age of 36 I am still having to battle with it, the shame, the guilt of things I do under the influence etc
