Hi everyone,
I posted on here a couple of months ago about some of my struggles with binge drinking (mostly on weekends) and how it affected myself and my family.
Well, I managed to stay sober for a month but my wife and I have had a very stressful time with some stuff recently and my wife came home with some beers and offered me some. I had felt quite strong up until this point about not drinking but seeing some cold cans in front of me, and with my wife being so casual about it, I just couldn't resist. I am still to weak to resist it if it put in front of me.
Anyway, I ended up going out to buy some more, we both drank a lot and then she asked if she could go out with a couple of friends. I didn't object as I always try to be as accomodating as possible and our daughter was with Grandparents this evening. Anyway, I continued drinking but after two in the morning my wife still hadn't returned and she wasn't answering her phone. We are both self employed together and I was worrying about being able to get to work in the morning and wondering where she was...
Anyway, at about 4:00am she returned absolutely slaughtered which was unusual for her to be honest, as she doesn't tend to binge drink like I do, she normally stops at one or two drinks. She threw up everywhere, and I found out that an ex boyfriend had given her a ride home. We had a huge argument and she gave me a black eye and I hit her back in the arm, which I am absolutely ashamed about as I have never done anything like that before. I then went looking for the ex boyfriend, whom I blamed for getting her in this state, found him, and punched him in his face.
I am absolutely disgusted with myself and don't really know where to go from here. I need help to stop drinking once and for all so I don't do stupid stuff like this again. I have a young daughter whom I love very much and I don't want her to grow up with a Dad who can be capable of things like this. It is only when I drink that I can be capable of things like this.
I've told all my close friends about what happened and said enough is enough with the drinking. That this time I really mean to do it. But they always say they understand but then a few weeks later it's like they have forgotten about it and just want to carry on as normal and have some beers together.
I am thinking about whether I should go to the Doctors and get some antisbuse, or something similar? Would anyone reccomend something like that. My Dad used to take it as he was an out and out alcoholic who ended up in re-hab, but when he started taking antibuse it was very rare when he drank, and when he did he normally ended up in hospital.
I'm also thinking about getting involved in a religion which is anti drinking, just so I can be around likeminded people who don't want to drink alcohol. I need non drinking friends in my life.
I am desperate for any help. If can't sort things out soon I could end up losing my marriage, everything. If the ex boyfriend I punched reports me to the police for example, I could end up getting arrested, so I am still a bit paranoid about that.
I need help......
