Originally Posted by
MidnightBlue 
I've survived through my first day after the relapse.
My biggest psychological issue is that I grew in poverty and when I was 12 years old I went almost a week without food.
And I have kind of emotional fixation - I don't tolerate being hungry, it make me panic.
And I feel like I have this "roving anxiety" if I don't stuff myself extra-full on a regular basis.
When I am at a grocery store I want everything.
Regular healthy meals help a lot with that because when blood sugar is stable and the brain is happy it's easier to apply logic.
But I still need to find the key to make my scared hungry inner child feel secure and happy.
And I am determined to do this.
Hunger is a humiliating experience. I have to leave it in the past and stop leaking into my present.
See you.
Oh honey...and you said "wow" to my fortitude.....what you have endured. I love you so much.
And I get it.....from the perspective of a Jew who lost family in concentration camps, and studied the Holocaust in detail.....I know the fear of being hungry.
I have heard these same sentiments from many of the older care clients I worked with....and many people I grew up with...it's one of the reasons Jewish people always want their family to eat...eat....
Except I was told over and over that I was born looking like a skinny chicken and that I ate for two years. My grandma thought it was funny....I did not. Do not. I still blame their indulgence on my eating issues...but they weren't to know. They were just happy to have a healthy child.
I am so sorry you went through that darling Midnight....just prouder and prouder to be your friend every day.
♥