Little update
I’m trying to get back on my feet and I’m trying to understand how to cope with my state of mind to avoid another relapse and worse. I’m sorry I didn’t respond to any of you lovely people on my other thread. I’m so embarrassed I want to pretend this never happened.
Each month I hit my lowest at some point and it lasts for days, I’m depressed, suicidal, paranoid and hopeless, I’m acting on impulse and then I self-harm, and then I drink, and then I want to die. I don’t know how to stop this vicious cycle. I’m starting to wonder if I might actually be bipolar.
I’m 3 days sober today and feeling good and hopeful and happy again - which is not that great because that’s when denial hits and I feel like all these terrible things I’ve done just never happened, or that it couldn’t possibly be me.
It’s good to be here, I love and appreciate this community so much, and I’m sorry about my craziness...
I want a sober life and I want to get better.
Going to a meeting tonight.
Thank you for reading