Your post certainly resonates with me. I have had a rough go for years. Lost jobs, relationships, ruined finances. I have had a couple 6 month sober periods in the last 6-7 years. It's 3am here and I haven't really slept all weekend. Can't just seem to turn my mind off and stop the negative thinking. Having a couple beers brings temporary relief from the relentess anxiety that is really hard for me to control. Psychological torture. All I want is a couple hours not to feel this way and get a little sleep. It's so hard not to grab that beer.