Weaver, I'm so sorry. I completely relate to every word: the fear of eating, the body image stuff. Wanting to stick with a "diet" then finding yourself eating all your calories for the day in minutes. I also use myfitness, and I know the feeling of logging it all in and seeing it after a binge. It's a horrible cycle. It is very much like drinking, I think.
I guess I have less sobriety than more people here, so I can't imagine how tiring it is to have finally gotten sober and stable(ish) with alcohol only to face another addiction. But that also means there are a lot of survivors with wisdom to share on this thread. I think we can do it, but it won't be easy.
There is a lot of grief on this thread this morning. Sorry to everyone who has lost someone recently or is reliving a loss on father's day.