Super long story (mostly chronicalled on SR). The gist of it was we were separated to work on our marriage. One weekend, he got drunk and flew out of state to meet up with some girl he met on a singles website. I found out, called him on his cell and told him I was done. I changed the locks on the house and completely quit the marriage. He came over directly from the airport, crying, and making all sorts of promises. He said he finally realized how much he needed to get sober for himself. He said he was afraid that if he went back to his apartment, he would drink himself to death. From what I had seen while we were separated, I actually believed that part. Anyway, I felt sorry for him and said he could have the proverbial "last chance" (though at that time, it was conditioned on him keeping the apartment and making no other changes then him moving home). He came home and started working his program. He relapsed a few times (for a day at a time), but the nature of the relapses were such that I felt he was getting better and I decided he could stay. Now, I torture myself with the "what ifs" - what if I had not let him move home? What if we had just stayed separated and gotten divorced? What would my life be like now? Better or worse? Better for not having to deal with the alcoholism, but worse for not having my husband in my life. Sometimes (like now) I just don't know what is better or worse.