It's understandable to try to control that which we can control, right? I mean, husband goes out drinking, I feel bad about so much about that. Why can't he just come home? Why doesn't he want to be with me? Why does he drink so much? Is this all going to end badly? Why can't I control my thoughts, his actions, our relationship? It isn't supposed to be like this...I feel helpless.
What can I control? What I put in my mouth.
I used to do this when I was seriously stressed too. I learned it when I was small latchkey kid. Back then I truly had no control. As an adult, I absolutely do have a choice to make my life better. If something isn't working, I can find a solution that doesn't cause more self-harm.
I can detach with love.
That's what healing from codependency means to me. Detach from other peoples' unhealthy behaviors without intentionally hurting them or myself in the process.