I also forgot to say, make sure to tell them that it is not their fault their dad is drinking, it isn’t anything anyone does or did that makes him drink. It is the disease/brain that makes him drink. Often kids will feel like if only they were better kids etc that their parent would stop. Very important for them they understand that it has zero to do with them. Tiptoeing around the situation, everyone covering for him and making excuses....that will give kids great examples of codepency and that is not a setting you want them to grow up with. That’s why it is so important for them to know the truth and have you work on you and help your kids through this. What you AH thinks is really irrelevant at this point since he’s an active user. You need to think about you and your kids future. He’s obviously in no position to make reasonable decision about that sort of stuff because he is not thinking rationally. His biggest concern is when he can have his next drink. You do what you need to do for your kids and you. That is setting the right example and that self care is important and that they are not responsible for others and their feelings. I didn’t grow up in an alcoholic home but became codepedent of different dysfunction in the home. And it is hard to get rid of that. I’m glad I have a chance of avoiding that with my kiddo.
If you aren’t in individual counseling I would highly suggest that you do, it has been a life and sanity saver for me and I’m not one that would easily go to counseling.