Newme2018

Hello....I think this may be my first post. Been hanging around in the chat room on and off. A little about myself. I started drinking around 11 to 12 years old. I have always been a weekend binge drinker. Saw it as partying...drank whatever I could. I was a teen mom...finished high school and college. Started drinking vodka to cut back on calories. Met my now husband and we continued to drink on weekends as the norm....but he never had a problem. We moved in together and my drinking got worse. So bad I sought therapy...my Mom took me to an AA meeting....then I finally did it...got a DUI. All while my son was watching what a mess I had become. I got sober about 5 months and got pregnant back to back where I now have 4 beautiful children. I thought I was cured and could control my drinking so I began drinking again....just to be a mess again. Binge drinking into Monday because im so hung over....I can't continue to do this. I can't do this again to my children like I did my oldest one. I can't keep breaking my husbands heart. My 4 year old told me I broke something and I don't even recall. Its like the devil takes over. I'm so ashamed...and scared to even ask my family amd friends for help....because how can I have failed again? What kind of Mother would get drunk over and over again putting their children in danger? 3 days sober for me....this has to be for the rest of my life!!!!