Hi sweeti.
Be strong. what I mean by that is, learn to draw strength from yourself.
From this day forward, anytime you catch yourself using someone else or some other program like SR or your sponsor or your diet or needing to quit smoking as an Excuse To Drink, STOP and think for a minute.
It's you.
It's not anyone else, it is you.
Brutal personal honesty. Own up to your drinking and own up to all the finger pointing and blame placing.
Assume that everything that has ever happened to you is because of your choices. Everything. You can edit it later. But first: accountability.
You can't get sober because you can't get honest. Without honesty there is no sobriety. and I will be honest with you: I know a thing or two about disease and if you do not get honest with yourself real quick, this will kill you.
Now. Get a journal and get honest. On paper. About what you have done and what choices you have made, so that you can make different ones.