I'm not doing well today guys. I should have known it would happen as we had a playdate at a neighbors house (first time meeting them) and I almost forget how stressful these situations are for me. There were 6 or 7 other moms and tons of kids running around. I knew 2 of the moms luckily but I still get stressed about making sure I say the "right" things. And then they were talking about wine and I started thinking how normal all these people are while I'm sitting here addicted to food, drugs and alcohol- why can't I just be normal?
My son had a great time but he ended up throwing a horrible, screaming tantrum and I had to leave with him crying and trying to hit me in the face. He doesn't usually do this and I felt really bad for him because I couldn't calm him down. I am starting to think he is also highly sensitive like I am and that he was just overstimulated and hungry (even though he had eaten a snack.)
I made sure to have a big shake before we went, so I wouldn't get hungry but for some reason as soon as we got home and he threw another fit about the sandwich I made him (after locking me out of the house) I gave in to the AV in a matter of seconds and ate the first sandwich I made him. Now I'm sitting here on the couchy dizzy from the food, feeling sick, angry, tired and irritable.
On top of all of this my husband and I had it out this morning- we kind of resolve our issues but it was a heated conversation at first with a lot of tension and stress. I'm just stressed. I can't handle being a wife. I can't handle being a mom. I can barely handle being a human being. Why is this so damn hard?