Today is day No. 76 without alcohol for me. I have no desire or temptation to drink, even when I'm around it.
I'm very much focused on helping my body and liver recover through nutrition and supplements right now and I'm not afraid at all of relapsing.
Unfortunately, fear is creeping in just about everywhere else.
A few minutes ago I almost had a major freakout because I saw some yellowish coloring in the fingers on my left hand. I haven't had any jaundice but immediately my mind jumped to that and I assumed that my liver has taken a turn for the worse. I cried a little and almost had a panic attack.
Turns out, it was just some turmeric powder (supposed to be good for liver) I had smeared on myself while cooking earlier. It came right off when I washed my hands. If it hadn't I definitely would have run to the emergency room and added another few thousand dollars to my debt needlessly.
This is pretty much a perfect example of my struggles in recovery and also why I became an alcoholic in the first place. My anxiety (especially with health issues) makes me turn little things into mountains in my mind.
It's now been 3 months of this kind of thing since my right flank pain popped up and I'm going to lose my mind if it keeps up much longer.
Before you ask, yes I'm seeing a therapist and yes I'm taking anti-depressants. I can't see her every day and you'd basically have to sedate me right now in order to get my anxiety to really disappear.
What I want to know is if others have any advice or strategies for overcoming this kind of fear. I don't think I would recognize a great thing if it fell in my lap right now because I'm so clouded with anxiety.
Help?