lessgravity

I never, ever want to drink again.

Regardless of the demons, the life events, the causes and reasons and justifications and excuses, the mental issues, the opportunities, the success or lack-thereofs - nothing is more selfish than taking one's life and leaving behind young children. To say nothing of the parents and family and friends. I say this as someone who has been touched, deeply, by suicide in my life.

It's relevant regarding my sobriety and my decision to finally grow up and take responsibility for my life and my obligations as a man and a father. Makes me think about my decisions to give into the demon of addiction again and again, like I did for so many years, in the face of the responsibilities I had as a father, causing what I am sure are going to be real, perhaps life-long damages to my son - I'm ashamed.

But I'm not defeated. And I'm sober. So now I can at least do my best to make up for my mistakes and poor decisions. Which is more than can be said about Bourdain. For all the joy he may have brought me and the rest of us, he hurt the most vulnerable and valuable person in the world that he could have. Instead of all the social media salutes to him I keep seeing, that's what I'll be taking away today.