Hi Gillygem. Welcome aboard!
"I didn't do anything for my recovery and sot was inevitable that I would start to think that I could now drink and stay in control."
I think youve sort of answered the question. Youve been sober before so you know how it works. Chuck out all the booze, ignore the AV, play the tape forward etc. You can do it because you already have....your focus and energy needs to be the answer to the above...recovery needs work. You cant do nothing...it just doesnt work like that. If it did we wouldnt all be here. You need to make a plan. A plan to cover all the times when the AV calls, when it sends you a text, when it taps on your shoulder, when it winks at you across a busy restaurant. AV is like a toxic lover. The more you ignore it the louder it will shout...and then it will quieten. Hence your 5 years but its made its way back in and because you didnt have a plan it has seduced you again. You can beat this once and for all. We are all here to suoport you. Love and peace. Xx